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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the terms gen Z is using to discuss love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits signaling a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {